… and I’m the brother of an alcoholic. Yesterday was the annual Michigan / Michigan State game and my sister has people over every year to watch the game. This year was no different. Well, maybe it was a little different.
There was no Cynthia or Josh this year. He’s been under the weather and she wanted him to keep in the house, resting. So the girls and I went it solo. When we got there all was well and we started watching some football. Then my brother came over.
He was fine for all of about 15 minutes until he realized that there was open liquor in the house and it was flowing freely. Being the gentleman that he is, he goes to the car and grabs his half-empty bottle of whisky. No, that’s not a typo. There was a half-empty bottle of booze in the car.
So that’s strike one in my book. Strike two is the fact that it’s my mom’s car. He’s driving my mom’s car around intoxicated and with open containers of alcohol in the vehicle. Mom is one of those people affected by the economy and GM’s bankruptcy. Her pension and benefits have all been reduced and losing her vehicle would be an expense she couldn’t absorb.
So my brother sits down and proceeds to drink himself into a comfortably belligerent state. How do I know? Well, he’s sitting in front of his 21-month-old nieces (and two roomful's worth of strangers) and screams the f-bomb at the TV, not once but twice. After the second time I ask him to watch his mouth and he apologizes.
Despite the apology my fire’s been stoked and I’m not able to hold my tongue about him driving mom’s car around drunk.
“I’m only going a quarter mile down the road” is his defense.
I shake my head and continue watching the game. Apparently he knows my moods all too well and decides he better get going before I build up into round two. He heads out and I can’t help but be angry. I’m not just angry and him. I’m angry at my mom too.
Why does she keep letting him take her car? I can understand on the weekdays when he has to work, despite the fact that he has told her he has to work over and has gone to the bar. How do I know that? My mom has told me Damon has had to work over and my nephew has seen him at the bar. Nice, huh?
I don’t understand what part of him is missing that he doesn’t take into consideration his actions and their possible repercussions. I mean, if he gets the car impounded – they can’t afford to get it out. If he wrecks the car – they can’t afford to replace it. He can’t get to work. He loses his job. Hell, what if he kills someone or himself?
I’ve had people tell me that I have to just let it go. They say it’s not my problem. How can that be? It effects me. I can’t stand my mom being taken advantage of and I can’t stand the fact that she lets it happen. He treats her like crap, manipulates her, but she keeps allowing it. I understand a parents love, but what happened to tough love? What about love for yourself?
If she’d put her foot down and demand the respect, demand the consideration, he’d give it. He’s not alpha dog material. He’s a follower. He’ll give you as much hell as you’ll allow and no more. He doesn’t try pulling stuff over on me, because he knows I’ll call him on it. He wouldn’t half-ass jobs I’ve given him, but he’ll do it to her. She has 100% of the leverage and none of the control.
It drives me crazy because I can’t help but be protective of my mom. I can’t help but be angered when she is disrespected or mistreated. I can’t help but stand up for her. Honor thy parents, and all that. I can’t help but speak up because SHE WON’T!
And where does this leave me? Mostly heartbroken because I’ll never have a relationship with my brother like this. I can’t be a friend and the person who’s always busting his chops because no one else will stand up to him. So that’s the legacy that the alcohol and bad choices are bound to leave me. And it sucks beyond the telling of it.
I can only do so much. Unfortunately, it’s just never enough.
